I live with my ex boyfriend. We met three years ago and he moved in six months later. It was too soon for him to move in, and whilst I knew it at the time, history will show that it happened despite my concerns.
We continue to live together even though we broke up last September... 12 months ago. We share a flat, but not a bedroom, and he is now seeing someone else. It is a 'complicated' situation and one that is, and isn't working, for a number of reasons. Mostly it isn't. For me in any case.
I had tried to 'call it a day' the previous Christmas and he had gone into meltdown and I had softened. I agreed to keep on trying, despite the fact I knew it wasn't working.
And then at the end of June, my brother was diagnosed with cancer and life was thrown into chaos. It was a blow from which I will never ever recover. I have always known life is far too short, that there is much to do in a limited time. It merely confirmed what I already knew.
As cancer invaded our lives, everything changed.
Things that had seemed important before, meant nothing. Family quite clearly was priority. To say I was shattered is an understatement. Watching my brother succumb to the brutality of cancer broke my heart and it will never be repaired.
At the same time, it confirmed something else I already knew: that by staying in a relationship that was making us both unhappy, I was living a lie. And so, in September, we had 'the talk' and it was over.
I crave my own space and whilst it's 12 months since we broke up, my ex is still here. I can even justify why... the rent money is nice... I can split the bills... he picked me up on a number of occasions as my world was crumbling about me... he can't afford a place on his own... he is a good person...
And yet honestly, I do need my own space. I need space to grieve on my own, space to try to pick up the pieces and space to begin creating again.
I need him to move on so that we can both get on with our lives. I'm just not sure how to make that happen. And whilst he stays and I remain silent, I can blame him and his lack of action, when in reality I should be blaming my own indecision and weakness.
Darling friend of my heart:
ReplyDeleteHe has to go, period. The conversation goes like this 'Basically you have to go period, and you can consider this a one months notice.'
Tell him he needs to be gone by November 1st. Jacinta you need to do this. Please do it, for your sake.
You were with your brother with cancer, doing anything else that is tough will be a piece of cake.
I am happy that you are doing this blog and it is so refreshing to hear your real voice once again.
I love you.
Renee xoxo
And please Jacinta, be somewhat selfish and consider your self, not both of you. Yourself.
ReplyDeletexoxo